Someone asked me just moments ago "So your new year how? Like that? Stay at home?" and it came to me that it has been like this for quite some time now. I guess... the whole loud music, loud noise, big crowd, big squeeze isn't really my thing. Now all I yearn are quiet moments. To myself. Where I can think...remenisce...and reflect...

Met up with HL in the night at her place for bbq... her usual thing. Saw 4 of my secondary classmates there... Yet they seemed so distant from me. The whole time there.. the only words exchanged were - Hello, Happy New Year and Bye. It's really weird... considering that once upon a time, I was rather close to one of them. I guess people change. And I've changed. For the better or for the worst... it's all relative.

And finally met up with JQ.. after three years. Wow. It doesn't seem like a very long time, but then again, it does. [p/s: thanks for the ride. haha. my new year present. *smiles* ] Once again, I learnt about change. Time dashes by, and people change in a twinkling of an eye. Appearance... he's slim down a lot, and look more mature now. And, he certainly is. Someone who is of the same age as you, yet he seems many years ahead of you. Plans for the future all mapped out...Striving to reach all the goals in life he has set for himself... To soar into the skies and realise his dreams... and to live a life that he has once saw in his dreams.

Yet, here I am living in my own wonderland - Where future means tomorrow; where things will always be as it is, where all's just fine; where dreams will magically come true; where happily ever after may just come true; where Life is all about me. Standing right before me is someone who was just born a few months earlier than me, yet he is thinking and planning so much more than me. He knows which path he wants to take, and he knows how his journey will be. Yet, I am lost on my own journey, still trying to figure out if the path I've taken was right.

Is it just me that has come to a stand still... and everyone has just surpassed me? What is becoming of me...

...when my memories finally fail me? I can't seem to remember many things.. and it has stopped bothering me. "Why...?" - a question that I am still seeking an answer.

...if the path I've taken wasn't meant for me? I can't seem to remember why I chose this path... and I feel I am really losing it. "How...?" - a question that I am still seeking an answer.

...should another path appear before me? I can't seem to remember anywhere else on this journey... and this is not helping me. "What...?" - a question that I am still seeking an answer.

...while others are moving ahead of me? I can't seem to remember whether I have grown, and this is really killing me. "Will...?" - a question that I am still seeking an answer.

I only complain about my life. And telling everyone else I have no life. But then again, isn't life what you make it to be? Why define it as the world wants you to? It's your own life, and you should be the director. Sounds easy... but really, it isn't.

Perhaps, it is time for me to let go. To learn that things will always change and that reality is cruel. To finally learn to accept it and to learn to survive it. I don't know how much of reality can I take, and I certainly don't know how will I survive. Sometimes... I look around and see that path, the path where people all say is wrong. Yet to me, it seems like that is the light at the end of the tunnel.

And I said to him..."I am tired of L.I.F.E."

He replied to me "How can you be?..."

...."I am."

2006. A New Year. A New Beginning. I wonder. I wish. I try. I strive...till when?

Someone asked me just moments ago "So your new year how? Like that? Stay at home?" and it came to me that it has been like this for quite some time now. I guess... the whole loud music, loud noise, big crowd, big squeeze isn't really my thing. Now all I yearn are quiet moments. To myself. Where I can think...remenisce...and reflect...

Met up with HL in the night at her place for bbq... her usual thing. Saw 4 of my secondary classmates there... Yet they seemed so distant from me. The whole time there.. the only words exchanged were - Hello, Happy New Year and Bye. It's really weird... considering that once upon a time, I was rather close to one of them. I guess people change. And I've changed. For the better or for the worst... it's all relative.

And finally met up with JQ.. after three years. Wow. It doesn't seem like a very long time, but then again, it does. [p/s: thanks for the ride. haha. my new year present. *smiles* ] Once again, I learnt about change. Time dashes by, and people change in a twinkling of an eye. Appearance... he's slim down a lot, and look more mature now. And, he certainly is. Someone who is of the same age as you, yet he seems many years ahead of you. Plans for the future all mapped out...Striving to reach all the goals in life he has set for himself... To soar into the skies and realise his dreams... and to live a life that he has once saw in his dreams.

Yet, here I am living in my own wonderland - Where future means tomorrow; where things will always be as it is, where all's just fine; where dreams will magically come true; where happily ever after may just come true; where Life is all about me. Standing right before me is someone who was just born a few months earlier than me, yet he is thinking and planning so much more than me. He knows which path he wants to take, and he knows how his journey will be. Yet, I am lost on my own journey, still trying to figure out if the path I've taken was right.

Is it just me that has come to a stand still... and everyone has just surpassed me? What is becoming of me...

...when my memories finally fail me? I can't seem to remember many things.. and it has stopped bothering me. "Why...?" - a question that I am still seeking an answer.

...if the path I've taken wasn't meant for me? I can't seem to remember why I chose this path... and I feel I am really losing it. "How...?" - a question that I am still seeking an answer.

...should another path appear before me? I can't seem to remember anywhere else on this journey... and this is not helping me. "What...?" - a question that I am still seeking an answer.

...while others are moving ahead of me? I can't seem to remember whether I have grown, and this is really killing me. "Will...?" - a question that I am still seeking an answer.

I only complain about my life. And telling everyone else I have no life. But then again, isn't life what you make it to be? Why define it as the world wants you to? It's your own life, and you should be the director. Sounds easy... but really, it isn't.

Perhaps, it is time for me to let go. To learn that things will always change and that reality is cruel. To finally learn to accept it and to learn to survive it. I don't know how much of reality can I take, and I certainly don't know how will I survive. Sometimes... I look around and see that path, the path where people all say is wrong. Yet to me, it seems like that is the light at the end of the tunnel.

And I said to him..."I am tired of L.I.F.E."

He replied to me "How can you be?..."

...."I am."

2006. A New Year. A New Beginning. I wonder. I wish. I try. I strive...till when?