Life Documentation

3 March 2006, Friday

Finally it is Friday. It was an alright week. Good things.. and of course bad things have happened, but at the end of it all, I survived the first week *which is a very good thing*. Anyway, had dinner with my sister today. Finally. Think I have not spoken to her for one week already... Yes, we do stay in the same house, but I have not been able to have a chance to say Hello even. It's that...bad? *haha*

Coz I'm on attachments now, and she is working... so it's either I am awake, she is already out of the house, or vice versa. If not, she goes to sleep before I'm done with all my work, or I'm asleep by the time she's back. Yeah. So we met up at PS for jap food.. the one beside Mahattans. And basically, we just talked and talked.

The sumptous meal... I think I'm serious OBESED now. *sobs*

4 March 2006, Saturday

Its a Saturday.. but was in school at 9am. For LLD discussion. Aimed to finish up everything, but looks like we simply have too much catching up to do that we didn't meet our aim. I'm serious. Put us all apart for one week and I tell you... we can catch up for one week. *haha*

Went to my cousin's house to take pictures for project. It was really fun to just "relax" and play with normal kids... after 5 days of facing 'special' kids. Also had a great time chatting with all my cousins... and one of his "philosophy" of living for the NOW and not worry about future.

"You know the story of the 38 year old man? He argued with the BMW and then he died before he got the money. 2 more years I'm 38. Life is short man. Why bother?" *hahaha*

6 March 2006, Monday

Met up with Rui at the mrt station to pass her stuff. Haha. New hair cut so cute and adorable. Haha. Its nice okay! I like it... and with your new glasses, I really think looks like Chucky! Without glasses... Shaggy! Haha. Must always style your hair nicely okay? *smiles*

And... Rui has become my self-proclaimed Angel! *haha* See.. I've got many COWS from her!! Yippe yah!

Had dance practice from 730 to 930pm.. seriously, I really can't make it at all. And exams is in 2 weeks time. Sigh.

I tell myself to stay positive. But nothing in reality is pointing towards that direction. How am I suppose to live in denial?

7 March 2006, Tuesday - Day 6

Wasn't feeling too good on my way back. Had to alight halfway on my way back home to use the toilet. This is the 2nd time that has happened since I've started CE. Seriously, I don't see why they just can't have toilets inside and outside the train station. You know how bloody expensive transport fees are... especially now that I have to travel so far and its not like I'm eligible for the train concession *another one of those st*pid things of Singapore organisations again*. Calculated already.. minimum, if I take only train to-and-fro work and home, and including transport for my Sunday classes... it will cost me approx $20 a week. So that totals as $80 for this month. The MINIMUM. So yar. But then.. this is the second time I'm alighting halfway on my journey.. and I go back to school on Sat.. and I have extra practices etc etc etc. Its only one week already.. and I have spent $30 on transport alone. And... concession costs like what? $40. It's really dumb. So what if they give you money?? What makes you so sure I can afford transportation fee with it? St*pid people come up with st*pid rules. I'M BROKE.

Anyway, really don't know what is wrong with me. Can't be stress that's causing all this ailments and illness... ?? *haha* Alright. I really don't know.. and I shouldnt try to Dx myself. It must be my age. I'm getting really old. Suffering from pain in my wrist as well... it happens intermitently, so I just bear with it. It does not get too bad.... but the pain at my back *think its either rhomboids or trapezius* is really killing me. I can't treat the Trps there coz I can't reach the spot. And the pain is really bad and it has been there since Sunday. Help me! Its a...sub acute pain? Haha. Coz I can localise it, but it has referred pain pattern. It is a throbbing, dull pain, that doesn't seem to go away at all. At times it becomes so painful that I just can't move. How? Anyone to help me?

Talked to one of the TAs this morning. She was saying that if something like stroke or RTA was to happen to her, she'd rather die than to survive but be in a disabled status. Well, I don't mean it the wrong way, but I do agree with her. When you have seen so many things in the clinical settings, and understand what are the consequences of living, hear the stories of the people, and really see for yourself what it is really like, you really fear such a thing will happen to you.

And its also because of such experiences, you really learn to treasure things more... and not take things for granted. Really. Even a simple thing like moving your finger... closing them and making it into a fist.. its such a simple action that almost all of us take for granted. But do you know how many people I've seen actually yearn to be able to just do that once again? I really don't know how I can live if ever such a thing happens to me. Seriously.. I'd rather not live. Not trying to be negative... but I know I will not be such a strong person and live through it.

Starting to realise a lot of things.. like why many couples, especially those health sector related professionals choose to not have children. Why we "health people" worry so much of our health... Why we get so worked up at the slightest twitch of muscle or pain...etc etc etc. Its really because you see it for yourself.. almost dail, but you need not see such things daily to feel like that. It does make you think twice about many things. And especially when you know, when you have that knowledge, you know what will happen, and what you can never change, and what your prognosis is like. And that really makes things... terrible *i think*

So... do treasure every little thing, especially your body. Be thankful that each day you awake up to a new day, and that you are still fine and 'normal'. Because such things should never be taken for granted.

I try to look at each new day as if it was a brand new beautiful start. But it isn't easy at all.

Life Documentation

3 March 2006, Friday

Finally it is Friday. It was an alright week. Good things.. and of course bad things have happened, but at the end of it all, I survived the first week *which is a very good thing*. Anyway, had dinner with my sister today. Finally. Think I have not spoken to her for one week already... Yes, we do stay in the same house, but I have not been able to have a chance to say Hello even. It's that...bad? *haha*

Coz I'm on attachments now, and she is working... so it's either I am awake, she is already out of the house, or vice versa. If not, she goes to sleep before I'm done with all my work, or I'm asleep by the time she's back. Yeah. So we met up at PS for jap food.. the one beside Mahattans. And basically, we just talked and talked.

The sumptous meal... I think I'm serious OBESED now. *sobs*

4 March 2006, Saturday

Its a Saturday.. but was in school at 9am. For LLD discussion. Aimed to finish up everything, but looks like we simply have too much catching up to do that we didn't meet our aim. I'm serious. Put us all apart for one week and I tell you... we can catch up for one week. *haha*

Went to my cousin's house to take pictures for project. It was really fun to just "relax" and play with normal kids... after 5 days of facing 'special' kids. Also had a great time chatting with all my cousins... and one of his "philosophy" of living for the NOW and not worry about future.

"You know the story of the 38 year old man? He argued with the BMW and then he died before he got the money. 2 more years I'm 38. Life is short man. Why bother?" *hahaha*

6 March 2006, Monday

Met up with Rui at the mrt station to pass her stuff. Haha. New hair cut so cute and adorable. Haha. Its nice okay! I like it... and with your new glasses, I really think looks like Chucky! Without glasses... Shaggy! Haha. Must always style your hair nicely okay? *smiles*

And... Rui has become my self-proclaimed Angel! *haha* See.. I've got many COWS from her!! Yippe yah!

Had dance practice from 730 to 930pm.. seriously, I really can't make it at all. And exams is in 2 weeks time. Sigh.

I tell myself to stay positive. But nothing in reality is pointing towards that direction. How am I suppose to live in denial?

7 March 2006, Tuesday - Day 6

Wasn't feeling too good on my way back. Had to alight halfway on my way back home to use the toilet. This is the 2nd time that has happened since I've started CE. Seriously, I don't see why they just can't have toilets inside and outside the train station. You know how bloody expensive transport fees are... especially now that I have to travel so far and its not like I'm eligible for the train concession *another one of those st*pid things of Singapore organisations again*. Calculated already.. minimum, if I take only train to-and-fro work and home, and including transport for my Sunday classes... it will cost me approx $20 a week. So that totals as $80 for this month. The MINIMUM. So yar. But then.. this is the second time I'm alighting halfway on my journey.. and I go back to school on Sat.. and I have extra practices etc etc etc. Its only one week already.. and I have spent $30 on transport alone. And... concession costs like what? $40. It's really dumb. So what if they give you money?? What makes you so sure I can afford transportation fee with it? St*pid people come up with st*pid rules. I'M BROKE.

Anyway, really don't know what is wrong with me. Can't be stress that's causing all this ailments and illness... ?? *haha* Alright. I really don't know.. and I shouldnt try to Dx myself. It must be my age. I'm getting really old. Suffering from pain in my wrist as well... it happens intermitently, so I just bear with it. It does not get too bad.... but the pain at my back *think its either rhomboids or trapezius* is really killing me. I can't treat the Trps there coz I can't reach the spot. And the pain is really bad and it has been there since Sunday. Help me! Its a...sub acute pain? Haha. Coz I can localise it, but it has referred pain pattern. It is a throbbing, dull pain, that doesn't seem to go away at all. At times it becomes so painful that I just can't move. How? Anyone to help me?

Talked to one of the TAs this morning. She was saying that if something like stroke or RTA was to happen to her, she'd rather die than to survive but be in a disabled status. Well, I don't mean it the wrong way, but I do agree with her. When you have seen so many things in the clinical settings, and understand what are the consequences of living, hear the stories of the people, and really see for yourself what it is really like, you really fear such a thing will happen to you.

And its also because of such experiences, you really learn to treasure things more... and not take things for granted. Really. Even a simple thing like moving your finger... closing them and making it into a fist.. its such a simple action that almost all of us take for granted. But do you know how many people I've seen actually yearn to be able to just do that once again? I really don't know how I can live if ever such a thing happens to me. Seriously.. I'd rather not live. Not trying to be negative... but I know I will not be such a strong person and live through it.

Starting to realise a lot of things.. like why many couples, especially those health sector related professionals choose to not have children. Why we "health people" worry so much of our health... Why we get so worked up at the slightest twitch of muscle or pain...etc etc etc. Its really because you see it for yourself.. almost dail, but you need not see such things daily to feel like that. It does make you think twice about many things. And especially when you know, when you have that knowledge, you know what will happen, and what you can never change, and what your prognosis is like. And that really makes things... terrible *i think*

So... do treasure every little thing, especially your body. Be thankful that each day you awake up to a new day, and that you are still fine and 'normal'. Because such things should never be taken for granted.

I try to look at each new day as if it was a brand new beautiful start. But it isn't easy at all.