Empty: Sunday, March 12, 2006
It seems like things are simply piling. And I'm living in serious denial. My life is.... bleak.
Internship (sounds better that attachments *haha*) is... well, on the surface things seems to be going well. To others, I am enjoying it. But actually, I have rather mixed feelings about it. On one hand is.... but on the other hand, things are... I really don't know how to put it all down into words, but that is how I am feeling. Rather vexed at times.. inspired at times... Exasperated at times.. Hmm... Amazed at times... depressed at times. All kinds of emotions. It really makes me feel very lost...and very tired. Tired at life. Tired of living. *Sigh..............*
And then on top of internship, there are tons of assignments and projects to be done. I really don't know what I am doing. Slacking each and every day.. wasting my time away. Digging my own grave...hmm.. more like I am lying in my coffin right now. Three CE assignments.. I have not started on a single. H&C report due in 2 weeks time.. I'm barely halfway done. 2 projects due in 4 weeks time... Not even started for one of it. Some more reports due I-don't-know-when-and-I-don't-want-to-think-about-it.... *screams....................*
Plus dance.. omg. I am really super so unprepared. I can't turn... I can't jump... I don't have the natural makings to dance - no arched feet, no turn outs, no long hands and legs. I don't have the strength, endurance, flexibility nor the expression. I am simply only preparing to FAIL. It really sucks. This examinations does mean a lot to me, and it really does not help by going in with 2 total strangers and a person whom you know is 1000000000 times better than u are. I am pathetic.*sobs.............*
Tired of life. Tired of living. I feel like an empty person right now. Living each day because I have to and not because I want to.
Empty.
Internship (sounds better that attachments *haha*) is... well, on the surface things seems to be going well. To others, I am enjoying it. But actually, I have rather mixed feelings about it. On one hand is.... but on the other hand, things are... I really don't know how to put it all down into words, but that is how I am feeling. Rather vexed at times.. inspired at times... Exasperated at times.. Hmm... Amazed at times... depressed at times. All kinds of emotions. It really makes me feel very lost...and very tired. Tired at life. Tired of living. *Sigh..............*
And then on top of internship, there are tons of assignments and projects to be done. I really don't know what I am doing. Slacking each and every day.. wasting my time away. Digging my own grave...hmm.. more like I am lying in my coffin right now. Three CE assignments.. I have not started on a single. H&C report due in 2 weeks time.. I'm barely halfway done. 2 projects due in 4 weeks time... Not even started for one of it. Some more reports due I-don't-know-when-and-I-don't-want-to-think-about-it.... *screams....................*
Plus dance.. omg. I am really super so unprepared. I can't turn... I can't jump... I don't have the natural makings to dance - no arched feet, no turn outs, no long hands and legs. I don't have the strength, endurance, flexibility nor the expression. I am simply only preparing to FAIL. It really sucks. This examinations does mean a lot to me, and it really does not help by going in with 2 total strangers and a person whom you know is 1000000000 times better than u are. I am pathetic.*sobs.............*
Tired of life. Tired of living. I feel like an empty person right now. Living each day because I have to and not because I want to.
Empty.
