I finally understand the boomerang logic - You throw it out.. and it hits you back right in the face.

One wrong move. One wrong step. One big mouth that just won't be shut. I had to speak, and I had to do what I wanted. I could have just been quiet and let things end silently. I could have just endured another few more days, let things end peacefully. But no, I had to do stupid things. Now, there is no turning back for me.

I requested for it. I created trouble. I created chaos. I created hassels. And now, I am not clearing up the sh*t that I have created. I seriously just hit myself on the face. Once again, I had to do things that I will regret after that. Why am I always doing such things?

I really don't know what I am doing. And really... sometimes things are just not within your control. But then again, it's not an excuse. Why others can do it and I can't? Why others excel while I fail? Why do others breeze through while I struggle in the pits? I really don't know. If I can find the answer, I wouldn't be in pain; I wouldn't be lost; I wouldn't be in this state.

I am trying my best, but it seems the best is not enough. Have I not put in the effort? Have I not tried my best? I don't know. My brain is not thinking, my heart is shattered. Right now, I don't know what is going to keep me going. I don't know what I am doing. Most of all I don't think I can 'hang in there' anymore. Really.

I am doubting my abilities. I am doubting my heart. And I am doubting myself. I never knew you had such an impact on me. Although I truly look up to you and admire you in many aspects, I never really knew that just those few words caught me off guard. Now my life is in chaos, my life is.... gone. Now, I don't know how I am going to carry on, because I have no reason to. Perhaps, really, I have indeed chosen the wrong path. That all this, isn't for me. I am truly L.O.S.T.

Also, I am lost at who you really are. Are you really concerned over all that is happening; or are you just fulfilling your obligations; or are you being forced to because you simply have no choice after I made my move? I can't tell, and that makes me even more lost. Many things I have going through my mind, many thoughts and emotions I need an outlet before I literally breakdown; but I know I can't because.... trust is just simply not there. This is really frustrating.

And I'm sorry I can't tell you the whole story. It's because I really don't know how to. I am confused myself. I am lost myself. Perhaps when I've reflected more and organised everything and remember all that is happening, I can shed some light to you into what is really happening to me. But thanks for being there when... I need someone.

But still....

I'm really at the point, at the verge, at the very end. Just a little bit more... and perhaps the story will come to an end.

...为什么在我的眼睛一直下着雨...

I finally understand the boomerang logic - You throw it out.. and it hits you back right in the face.

One wrong move. One wrong step. One big mouth that just won't be shut. I had to speak, and I had to do what I wanted. I could have just been quiet and let things end silently. I could have just endured another few more days, let things end peacefully. But no, I had to do stupid things. Now, there is no turning back for me.

I requested for it. I created trouble. I created chaos. I created hassels. And now, I am not clearing up the sh*t that I have created. I seriously just hit myself on the face. Once again, I had to do things that I will regret after that. Why am I always doing such things?

I really don't know what I am doing. And really... sometimes things are just not within your control. But then again, it's not an excuse. Why others can do it and I can't? Why others excel while I fail? Why do others breeze through while I struggle in the pits? I really don't know. If I can find the answer, I wouldn't be in pain; I wouldn't be lost; I wouldn't be in this state.

I am trying my best, but it seems the best is not enough. Have I not put in the effort? Have I not tried my best? I don't know. My brain is not thinking, my heart is shattered. Right now, I don't know what is going to keep me going. I don't know what I am doing. Most of all I don't think I can 'hang in there' anymore. Really.

I am doubting my abilities. I am doubting my heart. And I am doubting myself. I never knew you had such an impact on me. Although I truly look up to you and admire you in many aspects, I never really knew that just those few words caught me off guard. Now my life is in chaos, my life is.... gone. Now, I don't know how I am going to carry on, because I have no reason to. Perhaps, really, I have indeed chosen the wrong path. That all this, isn't for me. I am truly L.O.S.T.

Also, I am lost at who you really are. Are you really concerned over all that is happening; or are you just fulfilling your obligations; or are you being forced to because you simply have no choice after I made my move? I can't tell, and that makes me even more lost. Many things I have going through my mind, many thoughts and emotions I need an outlet before I literally breakdown; but I know I can't because.... trust is just simply not there. This is really frustrating.

And I'm sorry I can't tell you the whole story. It's because I really don't know how to. I am confused myself. I am lost myself. Perhaps when I've reflected more and organised everything and remember all that is happening, I can shed some light to you into what is really happening to me. But thanks for being there when... I need someone.

But still....

I'm really at the point, at the verge, at the very end. Just a little bit more... and perhaps the story will come to an end.

...为什么在我的眼睛一直下着雨...