Life Documentation

17 June 2006, Saturday

It's the end of week 2 of my internship... much has have happened, and as you can see, from the frequency of my postings, I've been busy. Seriously. =)

Many thoughts are running through my mind as I am trying to blog down what has been happening in my life in these past two weeks of internship. Let me try to document them down.... 'properly'. Not the SOAP way though. La la la....

First week was... crazy. Was trying really hard to get use to working in a hospital: From the administrative stuff, to the people I work with, to the team, to the clients, and even to the language I speak. Hardest of all was working with people. Next was the language. Stress levels are... forget it. No words probably could describe it. Haha.

Working with people was tough, even though everyone are really friendly and great people. I know they try to make me feel welcome, and be nice to me. I really truly appreciate it. But somehow, I still feel out of place. Somehow, I still feel the distance. Somehow, no matter how hard I try, things are still... the way the are. Sigh. It's not like I never tried; but then, working with people is really so hard, especially when you know that you aren't the 'people-kind' of person. The only thing I can say is that building rapport with clients is slightly becoming better for me, as compared when I first 'stepped into real world'.

And so, that brings me to the next stressor: Language. Honestly speaking, I'm no good with languages, and that includes English. Though English is considered 'first language' not only in schools, but personally as well (coz in everyday life I converse in English, including at home), I certainly have no flair for the languages. Take a look at my report cards and results, you'll understand why I say so. *chuckles*

Never mind about English... that I can still make a decent pass. The problem comes when I have to speak Mandarin. Seriously, although I am a chinese, I can barely make a passable pronounciation of any chinese words. Those who have known me since young, you'll probably know that I hardly spoke any words of Mandarin, and that includes even chinese lessons. Yes, even in chinese classes, I spoke English; that's why I'm always being made to 罚站 during chinese lessons. Writing in chinese isn't all that bad, especially when you're memory is still intact - that's how I've managed to scrap through almost 14+ years of chinese examinations. Now, I'm certainly put to the test. Now I really treasure the little times I have to converse in English... I'm starting to worry that once this 6 week placement is up, I'm going to be speaking Mandarin and Hokkien so fluently that English becomes no longer a familiar language! *panics*

Never mind saying 你好吗? 吃了吗? That one is easy so far. Next, interviewing clients isn't that bad, though it was a challenge. Now I've gotten the hang of 出力啊不要让我推你下去 [MMT], 跟着我做 [AROM], 我动你那里指给我看 [Touch Localisation], 左边跟右边一样 [Proprioception]... the 'new' ways of testing, for I've given up on the 'proper way' that we were taught in school. It's simply too hard for the older adults because (1) they have difficulties understanding this 'ang-moh chinese/hokkien' (2) too many steps confuses them (3) proper way takes too much time and they tire easily. Come on.... try translating the proper way of testing and you'll know what I mean.....

Touch Localisation:

Assuming hemiparesis on the right.

1. I am going to touch your left hand with this pen. Can you feel it? [Repeat]

我将用这只笔动你的左手. 我有没有在动你啊? 感觉得到吗? *Yes, I finally can tell left is 左 and right is 右 in Mandarin.*

2. Now, I'm going to touch your right hand with the pen. Can you feel it? Can you use your left hand and point to me where I touched you? [Repeat a few times at different locations]

现在我会用这只笔动你的右手. 我有没有在动你啊? 感觉得到吗? 可以用你的左手指给我看我动你那里吗?

3. Close your eyes. I'm going to touch your right hand with the same pen. I want you to use your left hand and point to me where I touched you.

请闭上眼睛. 我先在会用同一个笔动你的右手. 我要你用你的左手指给我看我动你那里.

Tell these instructions to an older adult who can only understand one step instructions. Good luck to you. Haha.

Then, embarassing moments like unable to pronounce "44 stone lions" in chinese while administering the MMSE. *faints* Pronouncing 四十四 is tough. Plus that with 只石狮子, making the whole sentence as 四十四只石狮子.... Forget it. Had my supervisor administer that question for I can't even pronounce a simple 44 in Mandarin. Omg...

Hokkien isn't so bad. Coz my grandma staying at my house speaks hokkien, so at least I manage to smoke my way through with the clients. Don't care if they are of other dialects, most of them can understand some Hokkien, so lucky. Haven't met any Cantonese clients....or other dialects. Phew. Can only keep my fingers crossed. La la la....

Had to do an initial assessment with a Malay client. Omg. Tough tough tough. Forget about me not knowing Melayu... saya tak tauh. Other things like, making sure to point with your thumb, making sure I use my right hand (For goodness sake, I'm a leftie!), and making sure I don't make the client too uncomfortable with all my questioning. I almost died. Seriously need to seek some help...

Okays. Then mostly, the stress levels were crazy also because of my indecent lack of basic knowledge.... Sigh. I mean, it's not like I've never learnt before. I'm just experiencing a rapid denegeration of neuronal connections that I have some problems in the storage and retrieval of information in my cerebral cortex. Haha. So, although I've read up, it seems like he still feels I don't have the basics.... coz he doesn't know I've revised? coz I've not shown it? coz I've not spoken up? I don't know.

Have been really stressed. Lack of sleep because (1) rushing my CRD; presentation is this monday *argh* (2) even in my sleep, I dream of my placement centre and how jialat I am doing (3) the moment I awake, even with my eyes yet to be opened, I am thinking Tx plans, CRD contents, info to read up on while on my way to work.... At this rate, it's no wonder I think I'm falling sick. Slept a lot on Friday and today, a new total record of 15 hours. Wow. Now I'm stressed because I'm not done with my CRD!! *panics*

Had my mid-evals on Thurs. Early right? Well, we all thought the lecturer in-charge was coming down for both observations and mid-evals so we each dutifully rated in the forms in the morning over breakfast, and waited in the wards for his pager to sound. The whole morning... it was so hard to concentrate. The thought of his impending sudden appearance behind your back while seeing a patient was hogging my brain the whole morning... It's just so stressful and scary.

Okay, so in the end he did come but not make enough time for observations nor mid-eval. Talked to my sup first without me because I wasn't there. By the time I got down, my sup was already done talking with him. Didn't see him and almost walked right pass him, until my sup frantically waved from across the room and shouted "[Name] wants to talk to you" and points to the person next to me.

Got a shocked and went "Oh!".. same goes for him. Haha. That, not important. What was the problem, was the whole dept seated across the room (because there was a 'meeting') turning their heads looking at me when my sup shouted "[Name] wants to talk to you". I'm pretty sure that they all thought I have been a BAD student and that [Name] wants to speak to me. *Faints* Sooooo embarassing.

Got some feedback about what my supervisor said to him; pretty much about the same thing that my sup has feedback to me in the past one week or so. He makes a point to feedback something each day, which I really appreciate a lot. Better than not say anything, then during evaluation get a heart attack/ breakdown. He said some things to him about me, I'm pretty sure too. Haha. Seriously, I think most, if not all, in this profession are really gossipers? Hahahaha. Maybe it's just a professional habit. Probing and questioning No. 1.

In summary of my talk with him and my mid-eval at the end of the day... I can conclude that:

1. I am losing my memory

2. I need to get use to REALITY

3. I am me. That is the problem.

4. Any book with the title "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Being Talkative"? Or maybe "Speaking up For Dummies"? Perhaps the perfect book for me would be "Quiet No More".

Help. SOS.

Anyway, overall, things at the centre has been going well, as compared to the previous placement I had. And as I look back, I can now say I am really thankful for that experience; It is only when you've experienced the worst, that you learn to appreciate the better. I am taking this opportunity to learn as much as I can from this placement this time around, and making up for the 'bad' experience I had previously. So far, not so bad. Just not good that's all.

Life Documentation

17 June 2006, Saturday

It's the end of week 2 of my internship... much has have happened, and as you can see, from the frequency of my postings, I've been busy. Seriously. =)

Many thoughts are running through my mind as I am trying to blog down what has been happening in my life in these past two weeks of internship. Let me try to document them down.... 'properly'. Not the SOAP way though. La la la....

First week was... crazy. Was trying really hard to get use to working in a hospital: From the administrative stuff, to the people I work with, to the team, to the clients, and even to the language I speak. Hardest of all was working with people. Next was the language. Stress levels are... forget it. No words probably could describe it. Haha.

Working with people was tough, even though everyone are really friendly and great people. I know they try to make me feel welcome, and be nice to me. I really truly appreciate it. But somehow, I still feel out of place. Somehow, I still feel the distance. Somehow, no matter how hard I try, things are still... the way the are. Sigh. It's not like I never tried; but then, working with people is really so hard, especially when you know that you aren't the 'people-kind' of person. The only thing I can say is that building rapport with clients is slightly becoming better for me, as compared when I first 'stepped into real world'.

And so, that brings me to the next stressor: Language. Honestly speaking, I'm no good with languages, and that includes English. Though English is considered 'first language' not only in schools, but personally as well (coz in everyday life I converse in English, including at home), I certainly have no flair for the languages. Take a look at my report cards and results, you'll understand why I say so. *chuckles*

Never mind about English... that I can still make a decent pass. The problem comes when I have to speak Mandarin. Seriously, although I am a chinese, I can barely make a passable pronounciation of any chinese words. Those who have known me since young, you'll probably know that I hardly spoke any words of Mandarin, and that includes even chinese lessons. Yes, even in chinese classes, I spoke English; that's why I'm always being made to 罚站 during chinese lessons. Writing in chinese isn't all that bad, especially when you're memory is still intact - that's how I've managed to scrap through almost 14+ years of chinese examinations. Now, I'm certainly put to the test. Now I really treasure the little times I have to converse in English... I'm starting to worry that once this 6 week placement is up, I'm going to be speaking Mandarin and Hokkien so fluently that English becomes no longer a familiar language! *panics*

Never mind saying 你好吗? 吃了吗? That one is easy so far. Next, interviewing clients isn't that bad, though it was a challenge. Now I've gotten the hang of 出力啊不要让我推你下去 [MMT], 跟着我做 [AROM], 我动你那里指给我看 [Touch Localisation], 左边跟右边一样 [Proprioception]... the 'new' ways of testing, for I've given up on the 'proper way' that we were taught in school. It's simply too hard for the older adults because (1) they have difficulties understanding this 'ang-moh chinese/hokkien' (2) too many steps confuses them (3) proper way takes too much time and they tire easily. Come on.... try translating the proper way of testing and you'll know what I mean.....

Touch Localisation:

Assuming hemiparesis on the right.

1. I am going to touch your left hand with this pen. Can you feel it? [Repeat]

我将用这只笔动你的左手. 我有没有在动你啊? 感觉得到吗? *Yes, I finally can tell left is 左 and right is 右 in Mandarin.*

2. Now, I'm going to touch your right hand with the pen. Can you feel it? Can you use your left hand and point to me where I touched you? [Repeat a few times at different locations]

现在我会用这只笔动你的右手. 我有没有在动你啊? 感觉得到吗? 可以用你的左手指给我看我动你那里吗?

3. Close your eyes. I'm going to touch your right hand with the same pen. I want you to use your left hand and point to me where I touched you.

请闭上眼睛. 我先在会用同一个笔动你的右手. 我要你用你的左手指给我看我动你那里.

Tell these instructions to an older adult who can only understand one step instructions. Good luck to you. Haha.

Then, embarassing moments like unable to pronounce "44 stone lions" in chinese while administering the MMSE. *faints* Pronouncing 四十四 is tough. Plus that with 只石狮子, making the whole sentence as 四十四只石狮子.... Forget it. Had my supervisor administer that question for I can't even pronounce a simple 44 in Mandarin. Omg...

Hokkien isn't so bad. Coz my grandma staying at my house speaks hokkien, so at least I manage to smoke my way through with the clients. Don't care if they are of other dialects, most of them can understand some Hokkien, so lucky. Haven't met any Cantonese clients....or other dialects. Phew. Can only keep my fingers crossed. La la la....

Had to do an initial assessment with a Malay client. Omg. Tough tough tough. Forget about me not knowing Melayu... saya tak tauh. Other things like, making sure to point with your thumb, making sure I use my right hand (For goodness sake, I'm a leftie!), and making sure I don't make the client too uncomfortable with all my questioning. I almost died. Seriously need to seek some help...

Okays. Then mostly, the stress levels were crazy also because of my indecent lack of basic knowledge.... Sigh. I mean, it's not like I've never learnt before. I'm just experiencing a rapid denegeration of neuronal connections that I have some problems in the storage and retrieval of information in my cerebral cortex. Haha. So, although I've read up, it seems like he still feels I don't have the basics.... coz he doesn't know I've revised? coz I've not shown it? coz I've not spoken up? I don't know.

Have been really stressed. Lack of sleep because (1) rushing my CRD; presentation is this monday *argh* (2) even in my sleep, I dream of my placement centre and how jialat I am doing (3) the moment I awake, even with my eyes yet to be opened, I am thinking Tx plans, CRD contents, info to read up on while on my way to work.... At this rate, it's no wonder I think I'm falling sick. Slept a lot on Friday and today, a new total record of 15 hours. Wow. Now I'm stressed because I'm not done with my CRD!! *panics*

Had my mid-evals on Thurs. Early right? Well, we all thought the lecturer in-charge was coming down for both observations and mid-evals so we each dutifully rated in the forms in the morning over breakfast, and waited in the wards for his pager to sound. The whole morning... it was so hard to concentrate. The thought of his impending sudden appearance behind your back while seeing a patient was hogging my brain the whole morning... It's just so stressful and scary.

Okay, so in the end he did come but not make enough time for observations nor mid-eval. Talked to my sup first without me because I wasn't there. By the time I got down, my sup was already done talking with him. Didn't see him and almost walked right pass him, until my sup frantically waved from across the room and shouted "[Name] wants to talk to you" and points to the person next to me.

Got a shocked and went "Oh!".. same goes for him. Haha. That, not important. What was the problem, was the whole dept seated across the room (because there was a 'meeting') turning their heads looking at me when my sup shouted "[Name] wants to talk to you". I'm pretty sure that they all thought I have been a BAD student and that [Name] wants to speak to me. *Faints* Sooooo embarassing.

Got some feedback about what my supervisor said to him; pretty much about the same thing that my sup has feedback to me in the past one week or so. He makes a point to feedback something each day, which I really appreciate a lot. Better than not say anything, then during evaluation get a heart attack/ breakdown. He said some things to him about me, I'm pretty sure too. Haha. Seriously, I think most, if not all, in this profession are really gossipers? Hahahaha. Maybe it's just a professional habit. Probing and questioning No. 1.

In summary of my talk with him and my mid-eval at the end of the day... I can conclude that:

1. I am losing my memory

2. I need to get use to REALITY

3. I am me. That is the problem.

4. Any book with the title "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Being Talkative"? Or maybe "Speaking up For Dummies"? Perhaps the perfect book for me would be "Quiet No More".

Help. SOS.

Anyway, overall, things at the centre has been going well, as compared to the previous placement I had. And as I look back, I can now say I am really thankful for that experience; It is only when you've experienced the worst, that you learn to appreciate the better. I am taking this opportunity to learn as much as I can from this placement this time around, and making up for the 'bad' experience I had previously. So far, not so bad. Just not good that's all.