: Monday, October 08, 2007
I realized I haven't been blogging religiously, nor have I read anyone's blog for about 2 months now. I have really retreated into 'my own world'. Don't know why the past few weeks, especially recently, all I want is to be all alone. Well, yeah... I do have my own room and I've been cooping myself in it the whole day, to the point where my housemate even said to me "I haven't seen you the whole day". Haha...
I'm not sure why... All I am aware is that I have certainly lost volition to do the things that is required of me, i.e. school work. Total lack of discipline, perseverance, and concentration. Sigh. I really don't know what I'm doing... Is it a vicious cycle of '自暴自弃'? I don't know. But it seems like it....
Been retreating further into my own world because I also find myself getting upset and irritated over the littles things in everyday life... don't wish to hurt others while i'm in this state of mind... why is the weather so hot and so cold at the same time? Why is it always so noisy at around 1.30am and 6am... why won't others be considerate that I just want some peaceful sleep?... why is it I'm always the only one doing certain things?... why won't others come to their senses?... why is the supermarket so far from home?... why is the school so far from home?... Sigh. All these I-can't-do-anything-about-it... is really bugging me. Have I even lost the volition for living? I need salvation.
Anyway, like I said.. the total lack of discipline has resulted in once again, locating something interesting on Youtube. Not a big fan of the little red monster, but you can't deny he is irresistible... I wonder if I'll ever get a chance to meet the monsters...
My Very Own Therapy...
I'm not sure why... All I am aware is that I have certainly lost volition to do the things that is required of me, i.e. school work. Total lack of discipline, perseverance, and concentration. Sigh. I really don't know what I'm doing... Is it a vicious cycle of '自暴自弃'? I don't know. But it seems like it....
Been retreating further into my own world because I also find myself getting upset and irritated over the littles things in everyday life... don't wish to hurt others while i'm in this state of mind... why is the weather so hot and so cold at the same time? Why is it always so noisy at around 1.30am and 6am... why won't others be considerate that I just want some peaceful sleep?... why is it I'm always the only one doing certain things?... why won't others come to their senses?... why is the supermarket so far from home?... why is the school so far from home?... Sigh. All these I-can't-do-anything-about-it... is really bugging me. Have I even lost the volition for living? I need salvation.
Anyway, like I said.. the total lack of discipline has resulted in once again, locating something interesting on Youtube. Not a big fan of the little red monster, but you can't deny he is irresistible... I wonder if I'll ever get a chance to meet the monsters...
My Very Own Therapy...
Now that I think about it, kind of reminds me of Izzie in Grey's... only that I'm ugly. Hahaha. Luckily, I don't have deficits in termination of activity! Anyway, baked some brownies for Vi's birthday. Hope she liked it... coz this is the first time I'm trying it out with white chocolate toppings. Didn't get a chance to try my own product. Sobs. Happy Birthday once again!
I can't help but to keep staring at my wall... in particular this section of my wall. I don't know how I even started this 'project' but yeah... spent an hour working on it. Nothing fantastic but its my first time. Sketching for the first time.Didn't realise how much time has passed, didn't think of anything... just simply plunged into the 'flow'...everything just came pouring out I suppose. Mind was in a complete state of blankness yet filled with serenity and peace. Only just felt that I needed to 'vent'.... move the pencil.. move my hand.. oh boy. CSM will be so proud of me... trying to explain Csikszentmihalyi's theory of 'flow'. LoL!
But everytime I looked at it, it really makes me wonder a lot about what-ifs.... and certainly (and also undoubtedly) is the road that I've taken really the one for me? Have I taken a wrong turn instead? Sigh.
